Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
