Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
