well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
