We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
