I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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