nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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