That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
