She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
