He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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