So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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