theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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