My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
