I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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