look no pants
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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