I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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