I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
