yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
