im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up under a house in Key West
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