i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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