I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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