If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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