i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
