i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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