That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
