But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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