this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
