booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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