Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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