When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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