Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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