I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
