i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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