somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
