You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
