Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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