Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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