just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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