my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.