saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.