....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.