The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?