my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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