I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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