FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
