What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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