if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
