it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
