When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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