I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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