The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
