I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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