First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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