i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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