your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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