I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Brb crying the tears of my youth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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