I love having hate sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
