"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
