remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Welp...herpes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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