He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
