areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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