so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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